Principles of Good Relationship Reprise

As we completed our OT survey with the book of Malachi, we discussed our responsibility to safeguard and prepare future generations with wisdom and righteousness (Mal 4.6; Luk 1.17). Taking up that responsibility means, among other things, teaching our biological and spiritual children the principles of good relationship.

The Principles of Good Relationship (i.e., of Authentic Fellowship)

1. Attach yourself to godly mentors who can disciple you in the skills of good relationship (Titus 2.4; Prov 13.20). Good relationship, like good thinking, is a skill that must be learned.

2. Recognize God as the ultimate standard of good relationship (Exo. 34.6; Prov 6.16-19; 16.7). The Trinity is relational from eternity, and as omniscient Creator, God knows perfectly what makes human relationship work.

3. Receive Christ. Only Christ can give us the necessary grace (power) to become “others oriented” (John 7.38; Philip. 2.4; 1John 3.23). A person who has learned this others-orientation will be known as a giver, not a taker.

4. Decide to pursue relationships for redemptive rather than selfish motives (Prov 14.20-21, 31; 16.2; 19.6-7).

5. Tap into God’s relational insight by prayer and study of Scripture. Only He fully understands what’s going on inside the other person (Prov 15.11; 20.27; John 2.25). If we humbly ask God’s help with a relationship, He takes us into His confidence (Prov 3.32).

6. Prioritize people over things (Prov. 23.6-8; Luke 16.9).

7. Good relationship begins with my good character (Prov, 22.11).

8. “Forgive others as the Lord forgave you” (Col. 3.13). [Thanks for prompting this one, Linda!]

9. Befriend the whole person, including their spirit (Eph. 5.19). [Thanks Rachel, for prompting this one.]

10. Live accountably under authority (Eph. 5.21). [Thanks Rachel, for prompting this one.]

11. Give and receive counsel. Good relationship is characterized by this discipline (Prov. 27.9).

12. A good relationship, like a good surgeon, causes pain when necessary (Prov. 27.6). Share a painful truth with your friend when love demands it.

13. Persist in your loyalty. Faithfulness to your friends is essential even when they err (Job 6.14; Prov. 17.17; 27.10). Friendship progresses to a point at which it is tantamount to a covenant, even if an unspoken one, and that covenant should not be broken (Psa 55.12-21).

14. Make sacrifices. The best relationships are built on a mountain of little sacrifices, made consistently over time, and will sometimes require ultimate sacrifice (John 15.13; 1John 3.16).

15. Practice the art of listening well (Psa. 22.24; Prov. 1.5; 4.20; 12.15; 15.31; 18.13; 19.20,27; 20.12). This is one of the sacrifices of good relationship.

16. Be honest, tell the truth (Prov. 6.16-19; 12.19,22; 13.5; 16.13; 24.26).

17. Practice the progression of intimacy. Servanthood precedes friendship, authentic friendship precedes brotherhood (John 15.13; 20.17).

18. Risk transparency. Relationship can’t go deep if we never confess our failings (Prov. 28.13). We value most those friends who are “real.”

19. Learn to recognize a relational dead end; some relationships should never begin (Prov. 12.26; 22.24,25).

Please share your comments and add to this list ------>